Should you change everything for love? Is love worth it? Why do we change everything for love? These are the questions I have recently asked myself… a lot. I do not think I will claim to be a “master” of this topic until I am old and gray and have my little one’s running circles around me and even then, who knows what I will know? I do know these things; I was that 17 year old who lost her virginity to an exchange student and he still left at the end; I was that 18 year old who moved 2000 miles to be with a boy and then got broken up with a month later; I was the typical 19-21 year old who flirted and teased endlessly but never committed; I was that 21 year old who dated her manager at the restaurant where she was employed… briefly; I was that 23 year old who convinced her 35 year old boyfriend to follow her to Colorado only to then break up with him a few months later; I am that 25 year old, madly in love with a man, a man who makes me truly consider what a future together means, but also makes me question life and love.
So there comes the ultimate question, “Why?”. Why did one of my best friends tell me the other day in an email, “Liz, you DO have a tendency to fall head over heels for a guy.”? Why am I so intent on being in a committed relationship? Why am I so willing to change everything for love? To mess with other people’s lives? To get my own life screwed with? To mangle my own life? So many questions and one simple answer, it’s worth it. Worth it to change your life, worth it to make a few errors in the process, worth it to learn all of the lessons, and worth it because in the process, if you learned the lessons and allow yourself to continue as a student, you will find someone who is good for you in this moment. Who knows how long that moment will last? I don’t, but I do know that feeling loved and loving someone back is the most intoxicating, wonderful feelings in the world and the pain that can come from that moment ending has taught me some of my most vivid, memorable and applicable life lessons. Pain itself might be life’s greatest lesson, it makes it very clear what you do not want and what you need to find or do to prevent it.
The love I have now, well, he loves me for all of the lessons I have learned with him and before him. He loves the process that got me to where I am, he loves what I want with the future and he is more than happy to indulge me with copious amounts of time spent cuddling. I have already demonstrated in my life that I will bend over backwards and bend others over backwards to find this feeling. It’s contentedness. It’s comfort to be you. 100% you.
My plan: put it all out there, crush on a good heart, get crushed on, get your heart crushed, crush a heart or simply just love. Love this moment. Love being you. Find that love. Search for it. You’ll probably get it terribly wrong a few times and make a lot of mistakes, but love the PROCESS, don’t worry about the end because maybe it won’t come. You are unique and your loves will also be unique. The thing I have taken from each relationship is the unique feeling of love I experienced from each man. It’s captivating and different each time. It makes you want to do silly things just to prolong the feeling. It makes your head swim in the most glorious of ways. It pervades your every thought and every whim. It makes you a better person, it makes you WANT to be a better person. It’s so so so so so worth it. Yes, you will feel pain before, during and after a great love, it’s not a bad thing, just lessons learned. If it fails, take the lessons, find yourself again, carry them to the next love and share. Take a dive into the deep end and let yourself float.